Shame

Nor can the gift of God be compared with the result of one man’s sin: The judgment followed one sin and brought condemnation, but the gift followed many trespasses and brought justification. Romans 5:16

When I was little I had a friend named Jarrod. Our parents were good friends and the two families spent a good deal of time together. Once when Jarrod and I were about 4, my parents went away for the evening, leaving me in the care of his parents. I loved Jarrod’s parents. His father was a pastor (in fact, the pastor who would baptize me a few years later) and his mother was just lovely. So I was very happy to have endless hours with my friend and his family. Part way through the evening, nature called and I had to use the bathroom. Jarrod went with me. I was just returning my shorts to the proper position when there was a loud knock on the door of the bathroom. Jarrod’s dad, the pastor, was demanding to know what we were doing in the bathroom. At 4, what we were doing was totally innocent. WE were totally innocent. But by his angry tone and then his rebuke about being in the bathroom at the same time, a new sensation washed over my young mind and heart. Shame. I’m sure my eyes must have been as big as saucers. I felt like a bad girl. I remember running upstairs and crawling under a bed to hide myself from their disappointment and anger and accusing eyes. I was overwhelmed by this new knowledge that people I loved could see something shameful in me. I remember crying, desperately wanting my daddy to come and rescue me. I could never un-know that shame existed in the world. I could never again be free of the understanding that my actions could bring shame. Even shame I didn’t deserve. Adam and Eve lived a blissful life in the garden. Not just the beauty of it and the abundance. Not just in the wonder we find in newness. They knew no discouragement, no anxiety, no self-doubt. They knew no shame. They were truly free to enjoy the world around them, basking in the Father’s love and presence. Then came the fall. No longer content with their Father’s presence, they sought equality with Him. And their eyes were opened to knowledge from which He had wanted to spare them. As a parent I can understand this about Him. I’ve done my best to shelter my kids, especially when they were younger, from knowledge that was too heavy for them to carry. I wanted to protect their innocence for as long as possible and the joy and freedom that innocence would give them. I wanted to hide from them the knowledge of shame. Often kids think we are just trying to keep them from having the “fun” that grown-ups get to have. They have no idea we want to protect for them that feeling of total freedom found in pure innocence. This is what God wanted for His first children. But once the fruit had been bitten, awareness of their nakedness poured into their hearts and minds and with it the understanding of shame and doubt and guilt. And they ran and tried to cover their shame and they hid from the eyes of the Father and the disappointment they knew they would see there. And I’m sure they wept, desperately wanting their Daddy to rescue them. And God saw all of this. He knew what they had done. He grieved, I’m sure, for all they had just lost by this one decision. He called to them, asking where they were even though He knew. He gave them the chance to be strong in the face of their shame. To do otherwise could have handicapped them forever. There is healing in confession that can’t be found in being confronted and berated. So they emerged and confessed (although with a good amount of buck-passing 🙂 ). And what happened next was pure love.

The Lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. Genesis 3:21

And God saw them and their puny effort to cover their shame. He could have left them that way, covered in itchy leaves, as a further punishment for their disobedience but He didn’t. Genesis tells us that He made them coverings of soft skins and HE covered their shame. Softly, tenderly, lovingly. Oh there were consequences. There are with sin. But if we sit in our itchy leaves it’s our own fault. God brings conviction to us but never condemnation. Condemnation comes from the same serpent that introduced Eve and  Adam to shame. Ever since Adam and Eve, ever since God covered their shame with His love, He has been doing the same for us if we will let Him. His Son, Jesus, came to cover our shame once and for all with the soft covering of His blood. Take off the leaves, people! Come out of your hiding place when He calls for you and allow your Daddy to cover you with softness and forgiveness. Soli Deo Gloria Shay